My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's get the cat blown out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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