God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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