There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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