I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
