I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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