Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
