Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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