No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
