Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
