my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
