where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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