dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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