i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They took my balls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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