I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
