we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize