found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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