after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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