you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
