News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
