Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
