you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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