I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
