i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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