sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
