i wish peter jackson would direct porn
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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