omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
