You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize