HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
