that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
