Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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