he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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