I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
