he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
