Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I forget how to act sober
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