How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
