Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
