Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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