my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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