but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
