Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you would pick up someone in the library
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
birth control should be required to get into college
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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