she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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