you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
