yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
