so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
