i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
