Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
