You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
