Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
