In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
