the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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