Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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