Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
