I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
