next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
