We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
