May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
