Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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