I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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