Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to make out with him forever
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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