I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
