so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
