and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
