hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
