the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
