whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
