Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize