i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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