what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
