Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
