The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
