I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
