I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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