We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I AM VODKA MAN
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
