I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
