"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
