I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck me I smell like cheese
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
