Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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