Is it because I queefed?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
