I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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