The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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