Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
