I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
