next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
