I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
