THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
