If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
