Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize