You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
