grandma shit on top of the toilet
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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