If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my liver is dry heaving
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
