u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
